Uncertain or Unwilling?

Our case worker came over today. We sat around the kitchen table and put the finishing touches on our home study. We are about to become a TN state approved foster care family.

Watching her visit approach on the calendar this week, my husband confessed to me that he has been struggling with doubt, maybe with a little fear thrown in. This morning, as my toddler could have easily landed the starring role in a terrible twos video demo, I joined him in asking, “What are we getting ourselves into??”

We talked on the phone before she came, trying to sort out our thoughts. It came down to this question, “Are we uncertain or unwilling?” In other words, “Are we uncertain that this is God’s will for our family? Or are we just unwilling to do what he wants us to do?”

We concluded that uncertainty is not the problem. We both feel sure that God led us to complete this process, the problem is we don’t know why. Sure, we want to adopt again, but why did he lead us to do it this way, through the state foster care system? We don’t know. But we’re certain that he did.

So that leaves us with the unattractive second alternative. Perhaps we’re unwilling. Unwilling to do what he wants us to do. Unwilling to follow where he leads. That’s pretty much it. We basically want what we want the way we want it.

Ever been there?

Unwilling is not a good place to be. It leaves us stuck, heels dug in. So we did the only thing we could do to move forward, we repented. We confessed our sin to each other and to God. We realized that we weren’t trusting God. At all. We weren’t believing that he loves us and wants good things for us. We had forgotten that he is sovereign and that he cares for us (1 Peter 5.6-7).

So here we go. We’re praying for the faith to be willing. To follow him even when we don’t understand where we’re going.

“Obey God, and leave all the consequences to Him.” Charles Stanley


One thought on “Uncertain or Unwilling?

  1. OH. my. gosh.

    Have I been there? PRECISELY!!!!
    The week we got our certification for CO foster-care I broke out in HIVES!!! Random, itching, red-swelled…it went on for weeks. Talk about ‘the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.’

    The challenge for us now is the waiting. Only one call in the past 6 months…and that referral fell through. And with each passing month, we feel more & more uncertain…or is it unwilling?

    This post is deeply challenging. And encouraging.
    Definitely something Kevin & I need to talk & pray through.

    love you, friend!!!!

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